#5

Speaking of sleep...

I know many of my friends with kids find it dreamy and/or annoying that I can sleep basically for as long as I desire on weekends.  Some try to make me feel bad about it, like if I only had kids I would understand, and it's their one-up on me in maturity.  I have never said this to anyone doing that, but the truth is that I want a baby so much that it is palpable and every time my PMS symptoms are weird or my period is just a day late I begin to get really hopeful that despite us not being financially ready (and me being too fat) maybe God has decided it's time and He'll work out the details.

I figure that if we're being careful not to get pregnant and God allows us to anyway then He knows what He's doing... and then my period comes or my PMS symptoms hit me full-on and my spirit is again crushed, knowing that it's not time.  This becomes more difficult as I become one of the only married women I know not pregnant / with kids.  I feel like the only young married woman I know who isn't either pregnant or who has had a baby in the last year.  I can literally name 15 women who are in my closer / closest circles of friends who have done one or the other, and it's a test of faith for me to trust God and not be either envious or self-pitying or all out bitter.

So, that said, I am going to sleep in as much as I want to and make the most of the few positives there are not having any babies yet.